Monday 15 June 2009
Tight Fist Tip #9: Don't Drink Bottled Water
Coca-Cola Boardroom, Mid-90s:
Some dude in a ridiculous suit: Bottled water is so hot right now. But damn those Frenchies and their crisp, clear Alps water. How can we compete with that?
Some guy with a toupe: Hey, how do consumers know that Evain comes from some amazing river that must be unlike anything we have in the US? We all know it tastes the same as normal refrigerated water. And lord knows they don't read the bottle; most people can barely read anyway!
SDRS: Oooh, I know! It's the picture of the mountain! Let's just put tap water in a bottle with a picture of a mountain and people will love it!
SGWT: We are so smart I can barely stand it!
And there goes the story about how Coca-cola and Pepsico managed to take something that is free, put it in a fancy bottle with a fancy name (Dasani, Aquafina), and make a bazillion dollars selling it to idiots. To a true Tight Fister, there is nothing worse than buying bottled water; doing so should make you feel simply sinful and unclean. But for those of you who didn't get the memo, here we go:
Memo: STOP BUYING WATER. IT IS FREE. Thanks.
Buying bottled water is so mind-bendingly idiotic that I have very little extra to say about it. (Note that if you live in a country without drinkable tap water, you are exempt from this rule.)
If you or anyone else you know still insists on paying for free things please introduce them to me. I have some very excellent bagged air on sale.