Sunday 3 October 2010

Dating Tips For The Guys

Might As Well Be Honest

There are many strong men among us who usually dutifully follow the code of Tight Fisting, but have a painful Achilles Heel when it comes to the fairer sex. You may be happy to cook rice and ride a bike for yourself, but as soon as a tall, curvy seductress comes in the picture you're booking the taxi to the Michelin restaurant. Shame on you! Every good Tight Fister knows that you don't have to spend money to impress the opposite sex, and that doing so will only bring you sorrow.

Remember this: if you start buying things for a girl at the beginning of a relationship she will start to expect them, and you are forever screwed. And the second you stop you're going to confront those dreaded words that no man wants to hear: "Is something wrong?"

Here are some specific tips on how to date Tight Fist style.

1. First Date, Cheap Restaurant.: One a first date, never go to a fancy restaurant. This is important because the girl needs to know from step one that you're not going to be buying her fancy dinners every Saturday night. Since it's the first date social conventions may force you to foot the bill, so no point in blowing the bank on a girl you barely know. And don't even think about taking her to the cinema. Why the hell should you pay twenty quid to sit in the dark and not talk?
If She Can't Appreciate the Golden Arches on a
First Date, She Doesn't Deserve a Second One
2. Split the check.: Sure, on a first date the man is expected to offer to pay the bill. But if your date doesn't offer to split it, alarm bells should go off. She gets one more chance: if she pulls a classy move and picks up the check on the second date, she's off the hook. Otherwise, just stop calling. She knows why.
3. Don't Buy Her Jewlery. The last signal you want to give any girl is that you support spending lots of money on completely useless things. Next thing you know she's going to want a honey dipper.
4. Never Buy A Random Girl Drinks. Under no circumstances should you ever buy a drink for a girl you don't know in an attempt to get in their pants. The strategy is foolish, money-wasting, and unlikely to succeed. And even worse, it just rewards devilishly deviant gold-digging behavior.

But what if you follow these rules above and get dumped? That's great! Because then you have successfully exposed your lame girlfriend as a money-grubbing bitch, and the sooner you find that out the better. If you find a girl who is cool with your frugal ways, you're saved yourself loads of misery.

Another great advantage of these strategies is that if every now and then you can break your rules and buy your girl a little something nice, she will go absolutely crazy. Yup, instant good will was never so easy.
This was supposed to be my third column for The London Student, but it looks as if the powers of mindless political correctness have killed the column for the time being. Thanks to the editors of The London Student for fighting the good fight, but it looks like they have lost. But don't worry, the site will go on. Questions?

Stay tuned for the next article, where I'll follow up with some more specific advice about another vice: flowers.