Saturday 16 May 2009

Tight Fist Tip #2: You Only Need One Pair Of Shoes

Amazingly Versatile

(This is part 1 in the 'Stop Buying Crap You Don't Need' series.)

You are going to notice a recurring theme on the Tight Fist: Stop Buying Crap That You Don’t Need. Although this large and important subject seems completely straightforward, I fear that it is going to confuse many of you. Therefore, I am going to break it down into bite-size pieces just to make sure no one gets lost: ok?

We’re going to start with one of the most egregious examples of this simple, simple rule: shoes. Everyone listen closely, because I am going to reveal a tightly-guarded secret that may bring about death threats from the Nike/Reebok mafia: You can actually use shoes for activities other than the one they were designed for. In fact, you can use just one pair of shoes to do just about anything! Shocking!

I know, I see the incredulity jumping off your faces. But, aren’t tennis shoes especially designed for tennis? Wouldn’t they self destruct if they were subjected to the rogue sport of volleyball? And won’t my running shoes instantly fall apart if I try to take a hike in them? And if I wear basketball shoes to a party, won’t I accidentally jump too high and hit my head all the time? Amazingly, the answer to all these questions is no. A shoe is pretty much just a slab of rubber with some leatherish covering on top. They are all pretty much the same.

And for anyone out there who thinks that the shoes you wear have to be somehow coordinated with the rest of your outfit, get over yourself. Get yourself a pair of black shoes. Black goes with everything. And if your response is 'But OMG those shoes R 2 cute LOL!!!!', please go away and leave me alone.

Perfect for fleeing overweight Sharks

Now, I am willing to admit that there are some exceptions to this rule. For instance, let’s say you are constantly being attacked by slower-than-normal sharks and need to somehow elongate and enlarge your feet in order to out-swim said sharks. In this case, you probably should have some special shoes.

Those spikes are just tied on

Or maybe you live on top of a giant ice cliff and need gigantic spikes attached to your feet in order to make it home. It seems to me you could just duct-tape some spikes onto your normal shoes, but maybe there is some room for debate.

Also, I think this guy probably gets special consideration:

Other than that, no excuses.

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