Wednesday 28 October 2009

Ask The Tight Fist: Cheap Halloween Costume Guide

Dressing Like A Slut is Cheap If Your Closet
Is Already Filled With Slutty Clothes!

Hi Tight Fist,

Halloween is coming closer. A party is planned, and it has been made abundantly clear that guests are only welcome if they wear a costume. What is the tight fist's take on this? Should I cough up one ore two tenners (oh the drudgery) to buy stuff I will never ever wear again? Or shall I just stay home? But if I stay home I'll be expected to buy sweets and give them to perfect strangers. There is no way out of this conundrum. Please advise.

-Scared of Going Broke


As explored in earlier posts about movies and group dinners, it can be tough when you are forced to make a decision between saving money and hanging out with your free spending friends. But geez SOGB, this is not one of those situations! We know that most people are just looking for any excuse to waste their hard earned money, and Halloween is as good an excuse as any. Of course, companies are happy to oblige by creating aisles and aisles of craptastic costumes and accessories. But SOGB, ONLY AN ABSOLUTE MORON WOULD SPEND ONE OR TWO TENNERS ON SOME PIECE OF CRAP THEY WILL ONLY WEAR ONCE!

Halloween is NOT an excuse to go spending money left and right. But am I endorsing showing up at a Halloween party without a costume? Of course not! Any respectable host of such a party would deny entry to a jackass who thought they were too cool to dress up. Instead, the trick is to exercise a bit of originality (yes, I know it's hard) and make a freaking costume yourself. Seriously, you don't need to have graduated from Milan Fashion Academy to throw together a rocking Halloween costume on the cheap, with things you already have.

But let me guess, you're so devoid of creativity that you can't think of a thing. Fortunately, I'm going to share some tried and true costume ideas.

Part One: The Classics

1. Ghost: This is for the truly lazy and pathetic among us. Take a sheet and cut eye holes and you're done. Note that the ghost will never ever get laid at a Halloween party.

2. Mummy: This is seriously easy. Get some assortment of rags, tape, paper towels, etc, and wrap yourself up. Extra points if you remove your brain through your nose.

Quite Possibly The Sexiest
Killer Whale Ever

3. Zombie: Make your own face paint, put on some ripped clothes, and just tell everyone you want to eat their brains. As the point is to look ugly, this may even help you get laid, as your victim will think you just did a really good job with the makeup.

Part Two: Innovative

Show everyone your bottomless wit by donning a costume SO RIDICULOUS that wearing it makes you the TRENDIEST guy (or gal) at the party.

1. The Housing Bubble: Everyone loves witty, topical costumes! Draw a picture of a house on a T-shirt, and then cover yourself in bubble wrap. Note: If I ever see people dressed in crap like this, I do my best to avoid them at all costs. So if you do choose this genre of costumes, don't talk to me.

2. Toothbrush: A person dressed as an object? Crazy!! Just get a big piece of cardboard and tape it to your back so that it extends up past your head. Then staple on straws for bristles and you're good to go.

3. Killer Whale: Take a black hoodie and tape white triangles to the hood to make teeth. Slap some cardboard on your back for a fin and you're in business. As a bonus, this costume kinda makes it looks like you are living in the stomach of the whale a la Jonah. This will play well with the hot bible study chicks at the party.

Part Three: For the Ladies

We all know that for many ladies in the crowd, Halloween is interpreted as 'International Dress Like a Slut Day'. But fortunately, dressing like a slut doesn't have to be costly either!

1. Lingerie Model: Just wear your lingerie. What, don't have any lingerie? I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

2. Cowgirl: Take a flannel shirt and tie it up for super cleavage action. Throw on some ass-hugging jean shorts and you're done. If you're lucky, there may even be several cowboys at the party to choose from.

3. Lifeguard: Yup, just chuck on the swimsuit and grab a whistle. Maybe you could even 'rehydrate' tired partygoers with some special concoction in a water bottle.

So as you can see, these are just a few of many easy, cheap, lazy Halloween costumes. And as a final note, if you do need to buy something to complete your costume, just get it at a thrift shop. And not some trendy thrift shop, a real thrift shop. (If you can't tell the difference, this will be the topic of an upcoming post.)

Folks, got any more last minute costume advice for my cheap and lazy readers? If so, feel free to comment.

Have problems with frugality? Ask The Tight Fist at Don't be shy.


  1. But all us tight-fisted girls out there keep waiting for our boyfriends to buy us the lingerie. Also, hottt killer whale.

  2. One I heard recently for the guys. Take a white shirt, write a huge 'E' on it, and go as an E-male.

    And if you see Dan at a party, do not bother him.

    I think there's something to be said for the humility of going as an Epsilon male, rather than an Alpha, though.

  3. Wear an empty cereal box on a string around your neck with the handle of a knife sticking out of it..."Cereal Killer" costume

  4. Dan, fantastic advice! I don't know if this one qualifies... take a plastic laundry basket (you can get one for 4 pounds at tesco), cut the bottom of it and tie a couple of pieces of fabric around to use it as braces. Hang old clothes around... you will become a human laundry basket... carry on some box detergent for an extra effect. Note: No one wearing braces gets laid...

  5. Great advice, Dan. Here's one more: most girls have a ridiculous formal dress at the back of their closet that they wore once to stand up at someone's wedding. Put it on, make a bouquet of fresh or dried flowers and some ribbon, and you won't feel the dress was a total waste. (Try it on ahead of time to see if you have to let it out [in?] a little.)

  6. A little late for this year, but here's another one: drape grocery store or garbage bags all around you and paint your face white (possibly with eye sockets blue or a bullet hole on your forehead) and you're a nice murder victim dumped by the roadside.