Dear The Tight Fist,
Society keeps telling me that I need to accessorize my"business" attire with ludicrously impractical things like a "tie", "belt", and even "underpants". What do I tell society?
If everyone in your office wore diamond-encrusted pendants, would you do it too? If they wiped their asses with hundred dollar bills would you be tempted to comply? Unfortunately I fear you would, as there is something about office life that sucks away all individuality. But Traveler, I think it’s about time you grew a pair. Just because everyone else in the office is blowing a chunk of their paycheck on vestigial man-accessories does not mean it is necessary, or even vaguely justified for you to do so as well. Let’s take a look at some specific examples:
Ties: I am still baffled how tying a colored noose around your neck ever became the norm of formal attire, but this is truly unacceptable. The sad thing is that, in almost all circumstances, a tie isn’t actually required; people just wear it because everyone else wears them. So stop being such a sissy follower and drop the noose.
|Perfect way to say|
"I don't love you"
Belts: Last time I checked, unless you bought a pair of pants three sizes too big, they aren’t going to spontaneously fall off. So does this mean that all the businessmen of the world are too dumb to buy pants that fit? Or maybe they are all competing in cut-throat intra-office ‘Biggest Loser’ competitions? While I wouldn’t put it past them, this is not the case. Instead, they are once again just trying to fit in with the crowd.
Cufflinks: Wait, you always have the latest Crackberry, but you find modern button technology unintelligible? Give me a break.
Underwear: Well, sorry to break it to you but underpants are actaully a Tight Fist's friend. See, if you wear underwear then you can get away with wearing one pair of pants over and over. But if you wear both new underwear and new pants every day, you are just being moronic.
Unless you work for some ridiculously prissy company, you are not going to be fired for bending fashion norms. So just drop the accessories- no one will even notice.
On a related note, just remember that buying a man a tie for a present is the perfect way to say ‘While I was obliged to buy you a present, I really don’t give a crap about you at all.’
Have problems with frugality? Ask The Tight Fist at firstname.lastname@example.org.