Dear The Tight Fist,
I was on the train today when a man sat down next to me with a load of flowers in his arms. This was not your average dozen roses, this was more flowers then I have ever seen. Seriously, I am not exaggerating, he had an entire tropical ecosystem in his lap!! I could not help but shake my head at the sheer waste of this venture, mentally try to think about whether or not this arrangement cost more then my rent this month, wonder how bad this guy messed up to have to show up with this, and wished you were present to give this guy a harsh tongued scolding at the wastefulness of his actions.
Now, I can't say that I am innocent of buying flowers; no man is. Girls are conditioned to want and expect flowers at certain intervals in a relationship. It's just so pointless!! Any thoughts about the pointless gift that is flowers, or other stupid presents we are conditioned to purchase? Any cheap and easy gift ideas that won't get you banished to pas-de-sex-ville?
This flower craziness is a serious issue that needs to be dealt with. While maybe not as bad as the female's insatiable lust for diamonds, flowers are pretty frustrating. You can rationalize all you want about flowers being pointless and just wilting in a day or two, but you have to remember that females are not rational creatures, so trying to use logic is the first step on the way to pas-de-sex-ville. But here are some tips to dull the pain:
|When giving flowers be sure not |
to give ones associated with funerals
(Actual CNN Caption)
1. Keep the Expectations Away From Material Objects. If your ladyfriend gets jewellery, flowers, etc on early in the relationship, you are then forever screwed. Instead, if you are in a position where you have to give a gift, give a service, like planning a fun day out, cooking a nice dinner, or creating a totally creepy romantic homage website (see examples here, here, and here.) If your lady is worth a scratch she will appreciate these things more anyway.
2. Never Buy Roses on Valentines Day. Anyone who has ever made the foolish decision to buy roses on or around Valentines day knows the horror of Valentine's Day price gouging. If you think that simply ignoring flowers on V-Day is going to cause you serious pain, try this idea. Surprise your significant other with roses (and whatever other romantic crap you were planning) a week early. Not only will you benefit from the cheaper prices, but you get bonus points for surprise!
3. Never Buy From The Florist. As mentioned in an earlier post, it is never a good idea to buy at stores that sell only one type of thing, and florists are really the worst. Remember, if you tell him "just make me a nice bouquet", he will hear, "make me a bouquet that will put your daughter through college". At most decent supermarkets you can get nice bouquets for just a few bucks. Or even better...
4. Just Go Foraging. Dude, flowers totally grow out of the ground. Just roll up to your local meadow (or the yard of that creepy old lady down the street) and you can have a killer bouquet in no time.
Questions about frugality? Ask The Tight Fist at firstname.lastname@example.org
I totally agree. But if for some crazy reason (pas-de-sex) you feel you just have to get your girl flowers, get a potted one that can live for a while inside, or get planted outside. This approach will have more "holding power".ReplyDelete
"...remember that females are not rational creatures..." Really, Dan? Displacing the blame for those moments when you've failed to heed your own advice?ReplyDelete
Just as a general comment, informing females that they are not rational creatures is definitely a one-way ticket to pas-de-sex-ville, which I imagine is somewhere near Pas-de-Calais.ReplyDelete
I think most women I know like to boast to their friends about how great their bf is. Be sure to claim that you are too ethical for flowers (arguments such as "I believe that arable land should be dedicated to feeding orphans in Haiti" (I don't recommend making this argument while eating steak...)), and instead claim that whatever you're doing is better.
In my experience, all girls with boyfriends talk about what you're doing for V-day.
PS I would rather go to Pas-de-Calais than pas-de-sex-ville... but not by much!ReplyDelete
Not a fan of taking flowers from other people's yards. People would do this to my mom, who grew flowers, all the time and it was really annoying since she spent so much time on them. Foraging is great, just don't "forage" stuff from other people. (Example: "I was foraging this guy's house and I found an LCD TV and laptop!")ReplyDelete
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